Bible Story Nostalgist Gifts

'If we could just sink Noah's Ark, think of the variety of food we could sample...'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"And maybe throw in a talking snake to make sure they don't take it literally."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

The Paper Route

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Don't make me turn this woolly mammoth around!"

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

So … how did you two meet?

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

Adam and Eve in Paradise

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Moses' TV guide.

If you give a mouse a french cookie

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

The King In The Rain.

'You said you wanted to start reading the newspaper online.'

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."

'If Adam and Eve didn't have any clothes, why didn't they go to the mall?'

'Well, yes, Jennifer -- I suppose Samson WAS sort of like Wolverine.'

Mass Exodus.

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

"Now who's being judgy?"

"There's talk of a merger with London Zoo."

"Nooo. Not my legs."

Woodpecker Ark.

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

"It's a land flowing with milk and honey, with a small but lively arts district."