Bible Decoder Mugs

And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness. - Isaiah 34:7

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Moses on the web

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"I have an app for that."

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

The Ordered List

Noah posted his first tweet.

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Moses gets REALLY lost in the desert.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

'I sense this may not be a one-way journey.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'He's one of those genetically-altered antibodies.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"Yes, human DNA is very close to ours, but obviously, they're missing the nucleotide necessary for caring for the environment. . ."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

DNA explained.

"We only have the Bible."

Office of Lyrics You Can't Understand

"I sure do have a family. There's my wife's DNA and my kid's DNA."

Gin-etic Engineering

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

'You never let us do ANYTHING!'

Punk Rock

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

"Whew! I was afraid the Bible would be full of math since God told us to go forth and multiply."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'