Betting Wizard Gifts

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

The president's men

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Little league world series of poker.

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

The Shrinking Dollar.

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Saving for College.

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I'm feeling absolutely marvelous. I think I'll acquire another company.'

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'Don't worry dear, I made a bundle shorting your failing financial services company'