Best Friend Aficionado Pillows

'I didn't lie: I told my mum I was going to hang out with my best friend...'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Call me?"

Sitting in a tree

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

Mantis Love

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

Valentine Day

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

Martin Scorsese Roasts Your Fandom

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

Love Birds love just being together

Tongue in the ear...

You just keep giving.

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Banana Smoothie

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

'I'm developing a foot fetish.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

"Oh Darling, you're spoiling me! I've never tried tropical fish!"

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

A small heart within a big heart.

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

'He's not getting lucky tonight. He smells too good.'

'I even love the way you snore!'