Beret Enthusiast Pillows

"My mom is French Canadian."

You have the beret of a man half your age, Mr. Fusco.

Nice toupee, Dr. Kapuchnik. But … is it honest? At least a toupee is honest about its dishonesty, Al. Compared to what? A beret.

Artist dreaming about himself painting.

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

Drawing on the left side of the barn.

"I know you're a cow, but you're still hogging the covers!"

"She's a natural!"

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Help! I've fallen in love and I can't get up! Cat alert system.

An Old-Timer/An Old Codger/An Old Geezer

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Frost advisory tonight.

'Beret Night at the Museum'

"You're stealing the blanket."

The Art of Bantering!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'