Benefit Satire Lover Gifts

"I tried claiming child benefit, but they wouldn't give it to me because he's my husband."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

Occu-Pie Mars

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

'That's our mission statement.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Do Not Resuscitate

Trump pardons

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

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Oligarchy

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Away with the warmonger!"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

National Everything Awareness Day

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.