Bench Warmer Ally Pillows

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Are you SURE you switched off the electric blanket, luv?'

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Feathered frenzy

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

'Only the high-traffic path needs cleaning - from the couch to the bar.'

Spring Training

Be a friend.

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'If you have trouble with cold feet in bed, you will find this dog is equivalent to two blankets.'

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

"Can I join you until spring?"

'Let's drink to air conditioning.'

Death warmed up.

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'

'I've asked Santa for a tank of unleaded petrol.'

A woman's dog brings her a valentine.

'Dear diary: day sixty, still haven't played. Starting to regret choosing baseball. Over the NBA...'

"Crowdfunding..."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Yo, Dewey! Got another one over here when you're done.'

'That's the trouble with parks football - there's not much quality on the bench!'