Bench Beautifier T-Shirts

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

Doing the borders.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

Urban spring.

"I'm paid by the hour. Why do you ask?"

Fancy Wallpaper in a Cell

'First Rogaine, now Viagra'

How men shop for towels.

Bazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

"My art dealer assured me people will think it's worth a lot mo is."re than it

Tweezers are a girl's best friend.

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'

Ames, Honey? The yard really needs you attention. What makes you say that?

How are your mime skills? I want to convince a dog he's surrounded by an invisible fence.

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

Objets D'Angst

'Doesn't this bench belong in the park?'

Asian Travel: 'Absolutely do NOT book anyplace without a western toilet!'

Decorating Tips of Small Rooms

Fierce neighbourhood competition

"Vlad realized, right there and then, that he should have bought the buff-white or even the oatmeal-colored sheets."