Behind-the-scenes Fanatic Gifts

"You're beating him senseless, but what you really want is his approval."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Big screen TV falling through floor

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

So, Leo catches me, devours me...wears make up?"

True Story Movie

"I'm a soul trader."

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

"Well, that's show business."

"It's Cinderella?!?"

'I've read your manuscript-it's a miracle you survived all the booze, sex, and drugs while on your world tour, but are you sure you want it published during an election year senator?'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: All in a Day's Work

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

TV moments we never see, 'Branded'

"First gig in a while?"

Justice for a heckler.

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

Reality TV

"Do you think we could stop using 'Julius Caesar' in the role plays?"

"OK people, this one's for the blooper reel, so let's blow it out there."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

'Sorry guys! But i'm afraid we're going to have to shoot this segment again. The darn tape just ran out!'

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

Audience thinking 'What a tosser!'

'Is there a spotlight operator in the house?'

'My family's eyes are all blue! You had the camera setting on red out!'

"All right, everybody- time to knock off for lunch."

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

Sign outside a movie studio: Standing in line Auditions.

'Casualty, Take one' clapper board traps persons finger

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'You may be a werewolf but we prefer computer generated special effects. It looks much more real.'

"*Sigh* these smart appliances always know when it's tax refund time."