Behavioral Training Pillows

'Sometimes he'll come and sometimes he won't. He can tell the difference between a social call and a dinner call.'

'He chases cars and the other day he caught a Prius and simply ruined it!'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Overjumpers

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Shake! Good Dog."

Agility God

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."