Behavioral Dynamics Pillows

'Just because you represent the parent company, doesn't mean you can tell me to sit up straight.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Santa Claus's Mail

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I hate it when we fight."

Dog Park / Cat Park

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

That party went well.

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"That’s ridiculous! What makes you think you were adopted?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

The life of penguins.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

Don't you hate...

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"Welcome."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"