Behavioral Analysis Pillows

"Thank you for being authentic and vulnerable with me."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Santa Claus's Mail

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Dog Park / Cat Park

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"I hate it when we fight."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

The life of penguins.

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

"So we're agreed—free will exists, unless there are treats."

One giant bark for dogkind.

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

Tyler missed the old days before his parents used behavioral tracking software.

"They took my pellets, man, I been hitting' that lever al day, they took my PELLETS!"

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

"So you feel like you are constantly being followed?"

Kids' energy levels

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"People are crazy."