Behavioral Analyst T-Shirts

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Didn't listen to my mother.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Hoodie Hang-out

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"Dopamine Casino. Gambling that makes you feel like gambling."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Failures.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

Kids' energy levels

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"We got this. I was born in a corn maze." CS629922

"People are crazy."

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

Pavlov Throws Out The Anomaly

Pavlov's Dream

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'

'Please Miss, I know why birds fly south in the winter. It's because it's too far to walk!'

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"

There's just no excuse for your behavior, Al. I thought it was your job to find one, doctor.

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.