Behavior Pattern Analyst T-Shirts

'Dad, I have commissioned my buddy to study your behavior patterns.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Hoodie Hang-out

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'Look! Man has been here!' 'Yeah, it must have been a man because the seat was left up.'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"People are crazy."

'And once more with feeling.'

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

Kids' energy levels

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

"We assumed they were raised by wolves, but I'm beginning to believe they were raised by stray dogs."k Upload

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"