Behavior Pattern Analyst T-Shirts

'Dad, I have commissioned my buddy to study your behavior patterns.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Hoodie Hang-out

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

'Now don't forget what I told you - no touching!'

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

Kids' energy levels

'And once more with feeling.'

"People are crazy."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

"Why would I demean myself to be Master's best friend when I can be Master's master?"

"I can't explain it, I have this irresistible urge to lie on his keyboard when he's working at home..."