Bedtime Planner Pillows

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

Babies.

"If you have any gossip, tell me now - she could come back ay second."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"We need to find another fall activity to do with the kids."

"Dad—will the heroine go into rehab?"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"The prince, …. what's his back story?"

"Here’s a book with a pretty peacock on the cover. Let’s try this Flannery O’Connor story before bed."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

"I'm not saying a horrible creature lives under your bed."

''...And they all lived slap-happily ever after.''

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

"Read it again, Daddy!"

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'