Bedside Manner Jokester Pillows

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"I feel your pain level."

Doctors Discussion

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"Hey. We're out of toilet paper."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Bed Fellow

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"I assure you I do appreciate what you're feeling."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'Isn't there ANYTHING you can do, Doctor?'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

"I find this helps, when I have to tell a patient some devastating news."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'My member requires some interest.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"The surgery went well. It had spread, but I'm quite confident we got it all."

'I've called maintenance about your bed, Mr. Grimes...Mr. Grimes?'

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

He's a brilliant doctor, but his bedside manner needs work…