Bedroom Warmth Innovator T-Shirts

'I warmed up your side.'

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"It's a novel about interest rates."

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Television company new recruit

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

'Ever since we bought thet blasted water bed we've been drifting apart!'

"Yes, we now have smart mirrors that can read your mood."

Paper Bath Towels.

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"This new adjustable mattress really does stop your snoring!"

"The bathroom was recently remodeled with more options."

"When I first met Howard, he had a touch of class. As it turns out, it was just a touch."

"We need one with three zones."

"I love technology. I just programmed this smart tree to drop its leaves in the neighbor's yard."

"After the kids moved out I had the house redesigned to reflect the real me."

Bird building a nest under a bird box rather than in it

'I miss my water bed.'

Mum! I'm cold! - 'Put your jumper on then!' - 'I'm already wearing it!' - '' - 'Mum! I can't reach the thermostat!' - 'Oh, that's a shame, dear.' -

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

"No more getting up and having to go to the kitchen for a midnight snack."