Bedroom Stylist T-Shirts

'OK, the bedspread doesn't do it for you. What's your formula for arousal?'

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

The bluebird of happiness couldn't make it. I'm the finch of eh, I can't complain.

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Tedious Romantic.

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Which one of these things is the soap?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

Gender Specific Bath Towels (Hers)

'We'll take it!'

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Football addict

'Sir! We're all doomed! It's a fitted sheet! How can we ever hope to stop something we can't even fold?!'

'We couldn't agree on the wallpaper.'

Wine Lovers

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

The trouble with memory foam beds.

"You know your dog better than I do."

"Dang it."

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Don't worry son. We're going to get you the best money that medicine can buy."

'Tom, Roscoe has been with me for nine years. You have been with me only two years. When the sad day comes that Roscoe passes on, THEN you can move to this end of the bed.'

"When your memory foam mattress forgets."

"Tonight, I get the closet. I was under the bed last night and my back is killing me!"

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'