Bedroom Interior Innovator Pillows

'Ever since we bought thet blasted water bed we've been drifting apart!'

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

Tedious Romantic.

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

'We'll take it!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

Television company new recruit

"I've upcycled your magazines into an ottoman."

"We hired all the designers ourselves."

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

Spiro & Pusho painting a room.

"Stop complaining, granite is in."

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

Wine Lovers

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

Paper Bath Towels.

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

"I have a gallon, interior, semi-gloss, Mocha for Bob."

It's a beautiful day. Take your computer and invent the next crippling internet virus outside.

"We could add a wobbly seat and lid that the idiots, er, customers would think they have to replace - at a premium, of course."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"Don't worry son. We're going to get you the best money that medicine can buy."

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'