Bedroom Fixers Pillows

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

The bluebird of happiness couldn't make it. I'm the finch of eh, I can't complain.

Tedious Romantic.

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"She does this when she's tired."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

DIY.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'Is your cap on tight? We don't want any more accidents in the bed, do we?'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

'We'll take it!'

Super glue . . .

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

"I can't find the instructions."

Irritable dowel syndrome

Football addict

'Ever since we bought thet blasted water bed we've been drifting apart!'

"I don't need to get out of bed, ma - I programmed an app to live my life for me."

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

The trouble with memory foam beds.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager