Bedroom Epicure Gifts

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

Counting ribs

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Tedious Romantic.

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'Frank, it's water.'

Tomorrow's another day, he thought, unless I get lucky and sleep right through it.

Wine Lovers

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?"

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

Colin's GPS was to prove useless at finding Maureen's 'G' spot.

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

Introducing the Tofuton

Treat at the Colinderies.

'This is great, we'll take it.'

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

Family 'Bored' Games

Leonard lay awake, staring at - at apparently creeping out - the ceiling.

"Fred, listen! Can you hear me? The desensitizing cream - it's for external use."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Eclectic Blanket