Becoming A Landlord Pillows

"I rented out the basement."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Shaken not stirred

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

Barman In Love.

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"Just water for me, please."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'What happened to your hand.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'