Becoming A Landlord Pillows

"I rented out the basement."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I know it's gassy...'

Shaken not stirred

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

Barman In Love.

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Just water for me, please."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

"What'll ya have?"

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

'What happened to your hand.'