Becoming A Foster Parent Pillows

'Be honest, Mum. I'm adopted, aren't I?'

"Well yes, technically, I've only had three kids of my own, but I've raised two cuckoo chicks as well..."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Domestic Superheroes!!

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Foster failure"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

The cell phone soother for life.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

Interior design trends for parents....

"Feel free to take notes."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'The child is very illogical'

"That's not how I sat on you."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'