Becoming A Citizen Gifts

"Well, it all depends. Where are these huddled masses coming from?"

'And in the next part of the ceremony you will swear allegiance to the Queen.'

'Congratulations, you've sworn the oath of British Citizenship.'

"I'm going down the block to vote. Want to come along?"

American Flag

Statue of liberty holding a lighter

'How would Jesus register?'

Netanyahu versus Gantz

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

The Russian Election.

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'The man was real nice about it. He gave me my ball back and even said you can expect a nice call from his lawyer.'

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

Latinos in the USA

Half French/half English.

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'

Citizenship test no 17, 'the t-shirt over head'.

'I see that you're a fully integrated immigrant to this country.'

"I used to be 'Unemployed Larry." But no more! Now I am 'Citizen Larry,' and over the next few months I will seek the bright light and open spaces of this beautiful country and ask for the wise counsel of its people."

'Show me in the ten commandments where it says anything about speeding!'

Black Lives Matter

'Britishness Test.'

"Right, you've got 17 pints of lager and 30 minutes...get going."

Santa gets a ticket

"I have to get a new guy. My immigration lawyer failed his citizenship test."

"I don't need to learn about ethics. I'm going to be a lawyer."

Superhero giving prisoners the right to vote.

'Admit it - you've been worried since you were flashed by that speed camera...'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'First you're older than the baseball players, then you're older than the president, then you're older than everyone on the Supreme Court...'