Beauty Trend Follower Gifts

"If you've been considering breast augmentation for longer than five minutes, we'll get started. If not, please come back in six minutes."

Highlights

Inflating Boobs.

COWS: Wax lipped cow

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

Advocado

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Like my new haircut?"

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Giraffe Selfie

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

Bartlett's Unfamiliar Quotations

The Aging of Underwear

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

"Port outbound, starboard home."

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."