Beauty Renegade T-Shirts

"I don't mind telling you I've never had a manicure in my entire life."

Bad fake tan day.

Hiding the electronics.

A holiday at home

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

"Without mentioning any names, certain questionable liberties have been taken with our dress code."

Organized chaos.

The Bland Leading the Bland

'You are the first and the last of the Mohicans ... out!'

A man without a chicken on his head!

'The carpet's too thick so I cut a bit off the door.'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Female Dominance.

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

How did people work before computers? They grew food, made clothing and built stuff. Now all that is done outside the country. Not true. What about

"No, I did NOT get the memo about "Casual Fridays." Had I known I would have worn flats."

DIY store.

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Complaints (just kidding).

"We'll take it from here Gramps." "Yeah, you guys are just so antiquated." "Power 'Tools'"

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Sistine Chapel - Extreme Makeover: 'Blue's good but lets loss all the clouds and the drama.'