Beauty Pageant Buff T-Shirts

'In the talent category, Miss District of Columbia will shred paper.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Miss America IQ Pageant

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

The Cat Spa

Do you think I'm sixty?

Sheep In Curlers

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Two men in barber shop

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

Parrot looking in mirror has feather headdress options.

Level up your game with a MANicure.

The return of Miss Subways

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

"I tried that new detangling shampoo."

"I hate hat hair."

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

"What I'm looking for is a ten minute total makeover that doesn't change the essential me!"

"Did you get some work done?"

'Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobs, - You sound like the real deal - you're hired.'