Beauty Pageant Buff Pillows

'In the talent category, Miss District of Columbia will shred paper.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Miss America IQ Pageant

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Do you think I'm sixty?

The Cat Spa

Sheep In Curlers

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Two men in barber shop

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

Parrot looking in mirror has feather headdress options.

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

The return of Miss Subways

Level up your game with a MANicure.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

Hospital gown pageant.

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"Did you get some work done?"

'Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobs, - You sound like the real deal - you're hired.'

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

"I tried that new detangling shampoo."

"What I'm looking for is a ten minute total makeover that doesn't change the essential me!"