Beauty Conversationalist Pillows

Young boy talking about shaving

Why we need poetry. . .

Woman looking into a mirror

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Define fair."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Snow is falling...

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Social butterfly

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"All the good ones are neutered."

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

'Great lunch box.'

'I was born as beautiful as you, but after a few years you will see...'

You remind me of someone I once pulled from the rubble: Pickup lines for heroes.

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

"Yeah, I agree, it is a but unexpected since you were such a handsome caterpillar..."