Beauty Conversationalist Pillows

Young boy talking about shaving

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Woman looking into a mirror

"Define fair."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

Snow is falling...

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Sam's not really a seafaring man but he can yo-ho-ho with the best of them.'

"All the good ones are neutered."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"What if I tried again with an English accent?"

Nice Old Ladies Tend to Look at the Bright Side of Things: 'As kids my brother and I took turns beating each other up!' 'Well, I think it's wonderful when kids take turns!'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

Social butterfly

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

'I take after my Daddy - He's a confirmed batchelor!'

Do you suspect me of ulterior motives? Let's put it this way: You're not a suspect; you're a person of disinterest.

"I don’t know if this is just the cashews talking, but I find you absolutely delightful."

You remind me of someone I once pulled from the rubble: Pickup lines for heroes.

'Great lunch box.'