Beauty Beginner Gifts

'Plastic Surgery for Beginners'

Bad hair day!

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Pampered and poodled.

Dating is so expensive...

What price beauty?

"I don't like your application."

Curling your hair for no reason

Have you got your make up on yet?

'I'm not begging, I've just painted my claws.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

New Twenty Blades

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

"That conditioner you recommended didn't do a damn bit of good."

"More concealer?"

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

Complete Makeover

'Well you tried, but be sure to keep Proof of Purchase.'

Woman Curls Her Dog.

'Botox...'

Mirror mirror...

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"I don't care what you think: it's cool, it's sexy, and I feel totally empowered."

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.