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Graveside Service

How to bare up in a bare market.

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Time to buy.'

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

Made in China.

Stock market books.

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

'Don't give me all that bull about a strong market - I said sell!'

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

Stock market recession strategy.

Markets Drama

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

"The market was doing so well I decided not to hibernate this year."

Ben Bernanke says no recession yet.

New York Stock Exchange: Feed the bears at your own risk.

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

Thanks to his stocks, Bob now lives in the middle of a great green garden outside the crowded city.

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

'Of course I'll charge you 8,- for an empty glass of scotch. Never heard of bear sales, sir?'

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

'The current business climate is keeping the bears in hibernation.'

Death of a broker.

'I'm starting to wonder if all my 'Account Executive' got on her broker's exam was nail polish.'

'Do you want someone to help you or do you just want someone to hold your hand?'

"The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed advice for a fee."

Ben Bernanke

Man cheering at stock market collapse - "He owns an anti-stress patent!"

'Bear tracks... and they're fresh!'

'I assumed this is where the market headed south, but GPS says 'southeast'.'

"I have to do something when the stock market is up."

"September can be a bad month for buying stocks...other bad months for buying stocks can be October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May, June, July and August."