Bean Connoisseur Gifts

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

'That's our manual back up.'

"I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?"

Biofuel

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

Clown's Comedy Fart.

When the ship needed to go faster than Warp Speed, the crew ate lots of pungent beans.

Best Before 5th Pint.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Regular service or affected?"

Dog Walker

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

Cereal Tasting.

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

4 Reasons People Love Oktoberfest

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Shaved Ice

'Malty tasking.'

"Can you keep a secret?"

"I want to spill the beans, but I'm waiting till I have access to classified or sensitive beans."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

Where Jelly Beans Come From....

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'