Beak Banquet Planner Pillows

'Every once in a while a person puts more seeds in it, but where he gets it is beyond me.'

Margarita

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

"Not guilty?"

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

New Year's Eve party for dogs

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

'My dress is thirteen years old today!'

'Well, this is definitely the last time I shake a bottle of Champagne before opening it.'

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

"Yes, I do need an answer right now."

"As your CPA, I would recommend you count the number of eggs before you hide them."

Thanksgiving: The holiday where aluminum foil is king!

'You add the girl after baking.'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

Biodegradable helium balloons.

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

Santa School.

Ladies, welcome to Palais des Beefcakes. Please observe our rules. NO making lewd propositions to our performers and absolutely no touching. No touching. Let's me and you honeymoon.

Florist.

'You're laying down that bottle for when Rich graduates from college? Don't you ever want to drink it?'

Happy New Year

Umpire's Banquet.

'They make a deal out of promoting someone around here.'

A guest at a dinner party requesting some champagne

Two grooms and a cat on a wedding cake.

SOARING BILL

Happy birthday! Your card is in here somewhere. Living with a mail carrier.

'We'll parachute in and surprise them with their sales award.'

'How much will it set me back if you throw me a Father's Day celebration?'

Birthday cake