Beach Bum Bookworm Gifts

Sunblock - A Novel

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

Desert Island Meals.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Beach con-man.

'Thank-you God.'

Bad fake tan day.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Bring your own inflatable.

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"The tide is coming in, sweetheart!"

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

Hiding the electronics.

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

Iliadette.

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

Surfing koala.

'I keep very close touch with the office in case things are running too smoothly without me.'

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'

'It must be the dead sea.'

Baby on board.

"Fresh pepper?"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'I blame global warming!'

"How about if we just winter in hell?"