Battles Pillows

Norman Wisdom

"Last chance - take back what you said about my wife."

"Have a safe trip!"

"Okay, everybody! Time for our mid-battle raffle! And today's winning ticket is...numeral XXVII!"

Grim Reaper and the 7th

"Not now. I have a siege."

"Where should we hold this confrontation then?"

"I hate Mondays."

"One of you go see who's at the door."

Epic Battles

'What a hero! Name another Captain who'd stand on top of his own column to divert the enemy fire!'

'I can't remember for the life of me why I came upstairs.'

'Unfortunately, no major battles were ever fought on this field, so it will never appear on TV.'

Roman paramedic.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'It's Colonel Bowie, Davy... he cut himself again.'

Bayeux Tapestry

'Isn't it exciting that our house was chosen for the reenactment?!'

'I admire your courage, but why don't you quit while you're ahead!'

'Whoa neat, how do you do that?!'

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 12

"Sir Hescot, you shall lead our kingdom into battle. That is, if you're not already busy on Tuesday."

"Nobody told me that world domination could be so complicated."

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

Warrior Woman

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

"Hail, Caesar! The barbarians have been beaten back, and Rome is still Numero Uno."

'My kingdom for a horse! Are you nuts? How about high yielding mutual funds?'

"Oh stop it. You know perfectly well that before every battle the enemy shouts things at us that we may find offensive."

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

"Ok, boy, one more time, then I'd better get this thing back to the battlefield."

Battle.

'Bugler! Sound the charge!' 'Can you hum the first few bars, please?'