Battery Joke Fan Pillows

'I've been having a lot of negative thoughts.'

Shampoo.

Cat with Nine Still Lives

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

'Is the dead mouse played with before it's prepared?'

'He finds it easier to fire people this way.'

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

Count Flatula

"I think we walked into the wrong bar."

'It's for you.'

Despite their efforts to be credible, the pro-dad group did nothing but raise a stink.

21 Bun Salute.

"It only takes one barrister, but there must be a solicitor present."

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

Cow blowing bubbles from both ends.

"REALLY?!!!"

"I'm sure we've met before... don't tell me your name... don't tell me..."

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

Getting the Finger

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

"You're distant today..."

Chinese Burns Unit.

Sworn Anenome

Spring Ambushed

'The first ears you made were insufficiently pink and fuzzy, so their destruction in the bathtub was actually for the best!'

'Don't look at me that way, I am allergic to being eaten.'

'Disorganized Crime.'

'Good morning boys and girls. Today's lesson is 'running'...sounds simple, but humans make it much more complicated!'

"Can you make it purr when I pet it?"

"I'm not crossing the road. I'm waiting for an Uber."

'How's my Husband? Not too well - You're sitting on him!'

'Beans,beans,the musical fruit...the more you eat, the more you toot!'

'There!...NOW do you believe the phone's engaged?!'