Battery Joke Fan Pillows

'I've been having a lot of negative thoughts.'

Shampoo.

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

'Is the dead mouse played with before it's prepared?'

'He finds it easier to fire people this way.'

Count Flatula

"I think we walked into the wrong bar."

'It's for you.'

"It only takes one barrister, but there must be a solicitor present."

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

Cow blowing bubbles from both ends.

"REALLY?!!!"

"I'm sure we've met before... don't tell me your name... don't tell me..."

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

Getting the Finger

"Must you go 'beep beep beep' every time you back up?"

"You're distant today..."

Sworn Anenome

Chinese Burns Unit.

Spring Ambushed

'The first ears you made were insufficiently pink and fuzzy, so their destruction in the bathtub was actually for the best!'

'Good morning boys and girls. Today's lesson is 'running'...sounds simple, but humans make it much more complicated!'

"Can you make it purr when I pet it?"

'Disorganized Crime.'

'Don't look at me that way, I am allergic to being eaten.'

'How's my Husband? Not too well - You're sitting on him!'

'Beans,beans,the musical fruit...the more you eat, the more you toot!'

'There!...NOW do you believe the phone's engaged?!'

"How many rabbits does it take to screw in a light bulb?"