Bat Mitzvah Preparation Pillows

"It's Barbara Streisand and I'm listening to her because she's Jewish so she puts me in the mood to practice my Bat Mitzvah Haftorah."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

Counting ribs

LAY ZEE FUK

Domestic Goddess.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

Horn of Leftovers

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Big boys' toys-r-us

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Contest of wills.

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

A shop is called 'Garnishes: Top Meals in Tough Times'.

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

One young wife asking another if she finds it more economical to do her own cooking.

Looks like I do dishes again.

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

"You think you're brave? I read Hebrew in front of a live audience."

Our housekeeping

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Joe's Bar: Sorry, closed to the public due to on-premises 'Bar Mitzvah'.