Baseball Philosopher Pillows

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"I'm bored."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Recess does things to a man."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'Don't let them know you're a prodigy. If they find out, they'll take away your teddy bear.'

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maths is easy because it's so logical. 2 + 2 obviously equals 22."

"It turns out I just wasted the whole morning networking with a dog."

'They're relics of the many ancient civilization that have dwelled at Blisshaven.'

"Ok, so I go back and forth… Then what?"

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"Uniformly accelerated motion"

'You put it down for five seconds. I get it now.'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

Deregulated Baseball

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

"OK, I'll play outside, but what do I do when I get out of Wi-Fi range?"

'The batter's crowding the plate. Try dusting him off at the knees. If that doesn't work, throw it high and inside. If he still won't back off, charge the plate and bite him.'

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

'I don't have to go to school. My mom teachers me.'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

"You have a good lie."