Baseball Fan With A Literary Twist Gifts

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Pets are reading the book 'Animal Farm'.

"Well, we needed the rain."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

Dating an English Major

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

My Literary Influences

Ironing Punctuation

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

I like what I'm seein' out there. This could be our year Wikowski.

Sheltering in place.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Library