Bartending T-Shirts

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

"Looks like someone's eyes are bigger than his liver."

The birth of the martini

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."

Cause and Effect.

"It's been a dog of a year - seven years of trouble packed into one year's time."

Join me in a cosmopolitan?

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.

"The days of the bartender-psychologist are over, but I can help if you have any software problems."

"Buck up, go home and be nice to the new kitty."

"Grasshoppers all around."

"No way, you guys are angels? I have a GREAT idea for a miracle."

'Better make it a double, Jake. I've had a really hard day.'

'The usual.'

'I'll have another scotch and my chimera will have a Cosmo.'

"Where's my bouncer when I need him?"

'The one on the left is a beverage analyst for Huff & Swoon, and the one on the right is a drunk; or is it the other way around?'

'Yeah, he's really good. Too bad he can only make one drink.'

Australian Careers Days

"No actually, I'll have a dry white wine and a soda."

'Don't you DARE!'

'We all have trade-offs in life, Mrs. Quigley. I wanted to be a bartender.'

'No, I'm not bald - I'm shaved...There is a difference.'

"You must be the new barmaid."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

The Friday Night Olive Races Down at the Tribeca Martini Bar

"I pour the liquor. Al does the mixers. Mack handles beer and wine. Pete—fruits and garnishes. And Walt is our Jack of all trades, ready to spring into action, should one of us need to step briefly away."

"Of course you could use a damn drink. We all could use a damn drink!"

"No question, Lefty, you've still got it."

"You know what you're running here, Lou? You're running a haven, that's what you're running here, Lou."

"Been there, drunk that."

"Shaketh."

"Here you are - Two house martinis, humanely poured!"

"I'm still working on the salt rim."