Barking Fan Pillows

"He finds that incessant barking eases the shame of being man's best friend!"

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Arf! Arf!'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

Dog phrenology

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

One giant bark for dogkind.

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

Dog

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

'No, no, no I said SIT'