Barfly Scholar T-Shirts

'This could be another chapter for my book on easy pickups.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'Can I get input from the guys at the bar on this one?'

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Fried chickens.'

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"Catnip for everyone."

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

Quiz Night...

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

"What would you like me to play next?"

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'