Barfly Conversationalist T-Shirts

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"Catnip for everyone."

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'Fried chickens.'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

Quiz Night...

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Gimme a lite. Bug Lite."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"What would you like me to play next?"

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."