Barfly Extraordinaire Gifts

"Fellas, take it easy."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

"Catnip for everyone."

'Fried chickens.'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

"What would you like me to play next?"