Barfly Extraordinaire Gifts

"Fellas, take it easy."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Catnip for everyone."

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'Fried chickens.'

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

"What would you like me to play next?"

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

If bar stools were like playground swings...