Barbell Dodger Gifts

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Nun Binning the Devil

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

The Demon's Disguise

Weightlifter

"Are you listening to me?"

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

Working Out

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

'I think I'm going to have to hide the bathroom scale from your mother.'

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.