Bar Tricks T-Shirts

'Sometimes I question a lifetime spent perfecting amazing bar tricks.'

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

'No ice.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

"I think we may be related!"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Dolphin friendly tuna

Beers

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"An everything Martini, please."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'I'm not drinking with you anymore after what you did to me this morning. . .'