Bar Stool Philosopher Pillows

"Anyone here named Hippity?"

"Dad's Support Group"

'The liquor store was overstocked, and it seemed like a shame to let it all go to waste.'

Realistic pub quiz.

"Actually, I drink to forget what my car is doing to affect global warming."

"Ambitions... to receive the MBE for services to the brewing industry."

"Anything horrible going on in your life?"

"I only drink to be sociable. . . if it's any of your business!"

"I drink this because I really like the flavor of getting drunk."

"Gave up my imaginary friend at age 5. Reinvented him at 46."

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"You'll know when I've had enough. You'll have to wipe up the mess."

"I'm not drunk! I'm jush looking for my car keyish."

'The 'trial seperation' worked very well. She's been gone twenty four years now.'

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

'I finally found my inner child! He grew up and will soon be sitting on a bar stool!'

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

A man at the bar

"I could run for office, but as a lobbyist, why would I want to give up all my power?"

"You're about my age. Are you all screwed up, too?"

"I've been divorced for six years and I'm still feeling aftershocks."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"Do you believe the world is all an illusion?" "I know it is. I know it can be bent by our collective will. When I was born, there were horses and buggies in the streets. But as soon as we all believed we could do it, we went to the moon." "Oh, I agree. That's why I'm trying to get the whole internet to retweet 'It's possible to upload our minds into immortal robot bodies.' If the entire hive mind of Earth tweets that at the same time, it's got to come true." "I hope not. I'd hate for you to end

"Been there, drunk that."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."