Bar Quip Collector T-Shirts

"They named me Brockton, after one HELL of a town in Massachusetts."

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

I'm used to seeing crocodile tears when I tell off a man in this bar, but this is the first time I've seen crocodile exclamation points. ! !

"...And then I forgot where I put my memory stick!"

What's grey, has four legs and a trunk?

'I'm glad you credit my Martinis for helping you break out of your cocoon, but I'm still cutting you off.'

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

I drink to forget... which can take for-freakin'-ever when you're an elephant!'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'If that's my wife, tell her meow, meuwwf, meew, hiss.'

A Day at the Comics Bar

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'Another tall, cold one?'

'Stout has a white head on top.' 'To show you which end to drink first.'

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"