Baptism Contemplator Pillows

'What really worries me is that I was never baptized.'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Sisyphus during Covid

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

"Why is this certificate all wet?"

A baby marks time on the walls of the uterus.

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

"Goddess of Good give me strength! I must. . . get. . . off. . . the. . . internet!"

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

"What a lot of people don't realize is that I actually enjoy an incredibly rich interior life."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'But Mabel, I distinctly remember that the vicar said 'till death us do part...''

"I wonder what happened in all those other timelines?"

Prayers For Agnostics

Conrad Grebel (Anabaptism)

The nearness of you.

In Isolation

A priest is about to christen a baby with a bottle of champagne.

Samuel Beckett.

'So I can sit here and watch these people live thier lives. . .or go through all the fuss of living one of my own.'

Really? A date with me is like a religious experience? How so? It reminds me of snake-handling.

'Just a heads up. The 'Big Guy' is not a fan of religion.'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"And the best-case scenario? How many more?"

'You could at least have waited until I put on my make-up!'

2020 Simulator

"I just heard that when you die your social security checks stop!"

"Father, I would like to go to confession with you!"

'What do you mean I'm not allowed to be indifferent about the Olympics?'

"He always was a hugger."

"Your call is important to us. Please hold for hours, howl obscenities, punch a hole in the wall and hang up."

An atheist arrives at the gates of heaven.