Ballads Gifts

Sinead O'Connor.

'What song is it you want to hear!'

The Statue of Liberty: A Journey Fan

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

'Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream...'

"Yes, 'the lion sleeps tonight', I know the tune, but it means it's had a good feed during the day, which is not really a good thing..."

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

'This next one I wrote myself. It's about pain, misery and heartbreak, until I finally wised up and dumped him.'

"This next one's for you, babe."

Required Reeding.

"I like a Gershwin tune. How about you?"

"Your Honor, if it please the court I'd like to deliver my opening comments in the form of a power ballad."

City & Western.

Though he wrote the world's most listened-to melody, few people know of Tony Bombosa, the genius behind AOL Instant Messenger's four-note jingle.

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"It's my pet mouse, Elvis. He was caught in a trap."

'Guys, could we try a different inversion?...Guys?'

"I keep climbing this water spout. The rain washes me out. Then out comes the sun and dries up the rain. So what do I do? I climb right back up again. Talk about a rut."

Brad! Who's that singer I cry to when I'm drunk?

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'Boy I hate children: They sing 'Eeny Meeny Miney Mo' and then catch me by the toe...'

"Before I go in, just what did Billy Joe McCaluster throw off the Talihatchie bridge?"

"Here's another depressing song about me."

" I think we have a deal. He goes walking down the street with you as long as you refrain from singing do wah diddy, diddy dum diddy do."

'Boy! Those 911 operators sure get snooty when you call at 4 a.m. and ask them to translate the words to Frere Jacques.'

Vowels: E-I-E-I-O. And sometimes 'Y'.

'I've written a love song about huge bonuses.'